F*ck the Flu

I. Will. Overcome.

Seriously. I have spent the last week in a viral intrusion of 102 degree fevers, body aches, headaches, pain, cough, pain, cough, cough, cough.  I am not big on taking medications to treat symptoms but after 2 days of raging inferno fever, I took OTC meds to ease the pain and limit the symptoms for a few hours. I took cough meds to try to capture a few precious hours of sleep. These produce a unique drug hangover in my system that I don’t think most folks feel. Foggy thoughts, swollen finger joints, a destroyed intestinal tract, dehydration and a general malaise.  The symptoms persisted. after 3 days the fevers began to subside in seas of sweat and the winds of chills. The tides of that malevolent ocean lasted for a full day. Friday, the fever was gone and I made it to the office for a half day of coughing and phlegm.  I gave up by 4pm and went home. I’d not had more than an hour or two of uninterrupted sleep. Ah, Friday night, I gave in again and tried the cough meds once more. Blissful sleep. 10 straight, crazy dream filled hours of sleep. Saturday morning my roommate woke me at 10am. I felt as though I was raised from the dead.  I’m still coughing, still hacking up unpleasant remnants of the assault but I’ve turned the tide in this viral conflict and feel as though I will now prevail.

Please, someone, invent a lung vacuum to clear the crap. Develop a wrap that removes the body ache from the very necessary fever. Create a time machine where the patient can escape from the rigors of the symptoms and skip forward 7 days.

Please, for the love of God, don’t go into the world and spread the plague. If you are sick, stay the hell home. Maybe, just maybe if we all adhered to the quarantine, we could say loudly and in global unison, FUCK the flu!

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